Gaslighting, and Parental Alienation
Sunday May 26, 2024 922am
A new day, a cup of coffee. Memorial Day weekend. Time to write. Fortunately I feel good balance. Was looking up an article I had saved almost 2 months ago about gaslighting. I'll copy my entry here:
Sun Apr 7, 2024
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality.
El gaslighting es un coloquialismo, definido vagamente como manipular a alguien para que cuestione su propia percepción de la realidad.
https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/12/19/18140830/gaslighting-relationships-politics-explained
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/04/greenlighting-the-unknown-antidote-to-gaslighting/
The greenligthing article offers insight.
Here's an entry I made yesterday to share with certain relatives. I'll post it here rather than sending, because many may reject it, or be triggered negatively by it, due to the animosity that is part of the alienation, described below.
Good morning,
Parental alienation (P.A.) is a thing.
I learned about it soon after my children were suddenly abducted June 30, 2022.
Of particular relevance to us as family, is this 8th factor in identifying P.A. in a child:
"Cultivating the child’s animosity towards friends and family of the parent"
That means each of you. Any prior unresolved animosity was used by evil to propel the P.A. in this case.
Since you are family, I am sharing this with you.
We all live various degrees of these dynamics.
Learn and spread awareness, and think of ways to make things better, not worse.
The links below are only some of a wide and vast amount of knowledge out there.
I need and want your help to break the alienation cycles in our family.
My advocacy for good and truth will be honest, strategic, necessary, appropriate, and incessant.
Good luck, and have a great Sunday.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/202109/identifying-parental-alienation
One issue is, although parental alienation exists, more in the general public need to be aware of it. I've spoken to many people, victims of it, and consulted a vast amount of information and YouTube videos, and channels on X (formerly Twitter) now that X is more free from censoring.
I prefer the word advocacy, over activism. It just sounds more balanced :)
Censoring and cancellation is key. Who tries to control narrative, what is fact and what is fiction. Perception is one thing. I strongly retain my health against gaslighting by others and even myself, from day 1, thanks to evidence. Security camera footage does not lie. He-said she-said accounts are very prone to distortion by either or both parties. I am fully cognizant that I could be perceived as, or actively, distorting issues myself. I've stayed strong and able to overcome this severe attack described as Parental Alienation on me and my precious children. One of the sources of that strength is evidence. Relying on evidence, rather than fiction and hearsay, allows a person to breathe a sigh of relief. The psychological damage on the children is reprehensible and must be rectified. It is a tricky situation that requires patience, action, knowledge, tact.
I cite many professionals and survivors of P.A. In no particular order: Amy Baker PhD, Ginger Gentile who is a survivor herself and has made the documentary Erasing Family; Madi and her Anti-alienation project; RyanThomasSpeaks who has a channel on YouTube, Dr Paul Jenkins, Kenny Weiss; and my own advocacy.
Madi makes an impressive approach and message. In what I currently consider one of the most compelling, honest messages of hers is her 7 minute video I've pinned on my X channel. She uploaded it April 27, 2024, I believe I watched it that day or the next. Children deserve to live in reality:
https://x.com/drdadcamp/status/1787832266858631661
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4wV9T6CjaM
945am
Madi also makes a very simple, direct, honest message for how to cure P.A., and is the solution I have proposed since day 1, literally, that is make-up time. The more time passed without rectification, only compounded the issue, necessitating in my arguments make up time, plus monetary award for the damage. Kids being lured with money to align with the alienating parent happens quite frequently, material and/or perverse incentives, propaganda against the targeted parent. Fear and anxiety are pushed. Madi talks about this from her own perspective too, compelling. I can tell she is on a healing journey and none of us is perfect. Victims, perpetrators, survivors. Kenny Weiss has some important contributions too, frequently using the phrase "perfectly imperfect." We all fall short of the ideal, a phrase that Dr. Jordan Peterson uses too, and expands on in so many topics he addresses.
Madi's short YouTube video:
https://x.com/drdadcamp/status/1789468558277108073
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/jWw2YmE7Vns
The cure is immediate custody reversal towards the targeted parent.
Family court is just about the worst place to handle family matters, but the main recourse for enforcement of justice since we do not live in the Wild West, but crooks and criminals behave as if we did.
Another interesting video is an interview of James Sexton, a divorce attorney, in many channels, one of his most recent one was in Matt Walsh's channel. A humorous 7 minute clip is linked on my X channel, and Walsh's YouTube clip cites the full interview. It is an interesting exploration of marriage, divorce, prenups, courts, the parties' disposition and dynamics. I'd urge any young person to learn from these experiences.
And that is where the problem of cancellation, censorship, brainwashing, manipulation, reside. Evil takes a hold of people, who in turn promote such separation and censorship. I truly feel pity for them, how they can sleep at night, how much medication they'd need, it is unimaginable and pitiful. Children do not deserve that kind of abuse, that much responsibility. A positive breath of hope rests in a post from Jordan Peterson I came across earlier today, about suffering.
https://www.youtube.com/@JordanBPeterson/community
"You see the suffering in the world: the suffering of children, the suffering of maybe your children, or you are suffering. One of the questions we always ask ourselves (which is technically a theodicy question) is: How could reality be constituted so I can have faith in its essence when there is so much suffering. One answer to that is: How much suffering do you want? You might think, none. But I do not think that is right — at least, you want something approximating optimized challenge. At least, you want to be pushed to your limit, and maybe you find the most exciting times in your life. In fact, you will pay to have this experience, to be pushed to your limit — maybe even a bit beyond it but maybe not so far beyond it that you crumble and break and things fall apart."
We all have work to do in our personal lives. The adults and the children, and it is the younger ones who need proper guidance the most. The fact that kids are NOT doing well with the alienator, is the biggest factor in proclaiming the need for custody reversal. Period. Make no mistake, there is also fearmongering where the targeted parent is painted as a monster, a trope I refer as DAMO: Drunk Angry Monster Ogre, that is used so often in various forms every day in every family court. Used and abused. Fiction and persuasion and propaganda run rampant in a 50billion dollar industry per Ginger Gentile's documentary.
Reunification with the targeted parent is the cure. Sooner or later the damage to the children needs to end. Some kids are fortunate to survive this damage and speak out about it, with courage and strength, like Madi, Ginger Gentile, Ryan Thomas. I've met so many who are devastated by it, just read the user comments section of any of these people's videos to get a sense of it. Then there's the suffering that happens with all those who do not post comments.
The antidotes to Parental Alienation require maturity, persistence, patience, action, engagement, to take place. Dr Paul Jenkins advises self care is so important, and even more so. Imagine, any person requires self care. When you and your loved ones (children) are under such attack, you require even more self care. That involves physical and spiritual.
Ostracizing and isolation is a tactic of alienation, read the 8th factor described in the article above. Note parental alienation is widely described by a vast number of people, professionals, all around the globe. When a person is isolated, it can drive gaslighting where they question their own reality. Important phrases are described in wikipedia to a reliable degree: false memories; parental alienation. Other concepts relevant to explore are: Projection; NPD; BPD; Tyrannical regime; Psychological abuse; adolescence; weaponizing a person; witch-hunt; gaslighting; enmeshment; confirmation bias; cognitive dissonance; misapprehension; misdirected hostility; psychological conditioning; negative alliance. I'd add ill gossip.
Scripture tells us in Matthew 18: 15-20 the proper way to handle issues is by direct communication, rather than "Cultivating the child’s animosity towards friends and family of the parent"
A Brother Who Sins.
Jesus said to his disciples “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector. Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again, amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
A frequent issue I've found with citing scripture is two fold. One, many people challenge the validity of biblical teaching for a variety of reasons. Two, biblical concepts are often countered by other bible passages. Still, I'd add another relevant one, that I caution adults to adhere to, since one of the most insidious forms of violence against someone is not physical, but character assassination based on falsehoods:
"Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships." - Proverbs 16:28 GNT
I also like two other quotes:
"A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." - Mark Twain
"Speak the truth in a million voices. It is silence that kills." - St. Catherine of Siena
I wish you the best as you navigate the waters of life, the inevitable suffering that requires us to contend with rather than avoid, and take good care of yourself. Finding humor and ability to laugh, to "snap out of it" as Jerry Seinfeld jokes with Brian Regan (link on my X posts)
A positive message from Ryan Thomas, 12 minute video, just comes across honest, wise, talented.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNceK0CD3QE
1028am
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